Who came up with the idea?

Who came up with the idea of slogging your ass off in your 20s, 30s, and 40s (phew!), getting married and raising kids in between that and then retire at an age when the kids can take care of you! Yes, that seems like the most ‘normal’ thing to do for most people I know!

Why is marriage given such mammoth importance in anyone’s life?

Why can’t the family accept that the boyfriend and I can travel for a year even if we are not married?

Why can’t my sister get married without hassles if her elder sister is not married but living with her partner?

Why do friends who know we have been living together for 3+ years still ask when is the big-day? What difference does that day make in our lives? Other than give me more responsibilities which I would anyways shun!

Why is it that the UK Home Office is the only establishment that accepts unmarried partner as an equivalent of a married partner without asking me when we are getting married!

Why does the whole world conspire in making not-yet-moms think motherhood is the most enjoyable thing in the world, when I can never see parents of young kids have a peaceful night of sleep!) Is procreation still considered the most important reason for our existence?

Why does everyone think buying a house is the ultimate goal in everyone’s career (and repay the mortgage for the rest of your working life!) Why is it not considered right if someone never buys a house and uses the money earned to travel around the world? Who invented the word ‘settled’?

Why can’t we lead a life where we get married when and where we feel like (it could be one sunny Sunday morning in London or in one of the Goan shacks many years down the line!), decide we never want to have kids (maybe we do, maybe we don’t), take a break from work without any responsibilities bothering us, enjoy life travelling the world with the money we have at that moment of time, come back and start afresh – not doing what we need to do but doing what we like to do.

Why is it that the above idea is considered a dream and not a reality?  Why is it that a few people I know who have tried any parts of the above had to face humungous resistance – mostly from the immediate family?

In the names of religion, society and family, have we given ourselves more restrictions than we need to?

3 thoughts on “Who came up with the idea?

  1. I hear ya, R! And you can only imagine what it’s like for a single Indian woman living here to deal with the D-day question. I even asked my mother once that everyone asks me “why don’t you want to get married?” but no one will ever ask “why do you want to get married?”. It’s as if it’s a given for women (and even men to an extent) to be tied to someone for the rest of her life, or else her life is worthless.

    Currently, I’m too busy to think of getting married. And in a few weeks, the question will resurface. I was even willing to meet potential fellows just to see what the fuss is about. But I hate it. HATE this nonsense of expectation from everyone else about how my life should be.

    Don’t know how long I can fight this. Good luck with your battles 🙂

    PS: If you’re single, they ask you when you’re getting married. If you’re dating, they pester you for an actual date. If you’re married, they want you to share your baby plans (and trust me, that’s the sole purpose of all parents here: grandchildren). If you have one kid, they wonder if you’ll bring another one so that the first one has a sibling. WTF.

  2. I am not sure who came up with this idea raghs but one thing is for sure – its rammed into our minds whether we like it or not. The other person will ask the question just for the heck of it or for a few moments of sadistic pleasure that’s it. the real culprit is the one within us which makes us think over and over again about this. And i think that is probably the very small element of ‘uncertainity’ about the decision that we have made. I just think you first have to make peace with it. Then what everyone else says, feels or thinks will simply be a remark and wont have any material effect on you whatsoever. If you are sure, then nothing can bother you. So just let it go!

  3. I hear you sister!!
    And these questions in varied form bug me every single day.
    I dont mind a little compromising–if it gives peace to my immediate family. But the problem is–the expectations and demands never ceases!!–It goes on and on and on.
    I think–we are expected to condition ourselves to live our life according to what others think is right and not the way we want it to go.
    I am proud of you guys–for getting away from that. Go and have fun. The world will know you were right at some point.
    And if you are happy now–thats all that matters!! It should be enough for the people who love you!

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